Something happened to me

We're sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't okay.

Whether it happened in a gym, at a seminar, during a competition, while travelling, or outside the mats entirely, you deserve to be treated with respect and to feel safe.

I want to understand what happened

It's okay if you're not sure what happened. Many people expect people who experience harassment or abuse to react in a particular way. In reality, there is no "correct" response.

You might feel shocked, angry, numb, confused, embarrassed, guilty — or nothing at all. All of these reactions, and many others, are normal.

What happened does not have to be sexual to count. Being humiliated, hurt on purpose, having your tap ignored, bullied, punished for speaking up — these count too, and often overlap. What abuse can look like. You do not have to know what to call it first.

I want to think about my immediate safety

If you are in immediate danger or need urgent medical care, seek help as soon as you can.

If possible, get yourself somewhere you feel safe and reach out to someone you trust.

I’m considering telling someone

Many people worry they won't be believed, or that they'll "cause drama". You deserve to be listened to with respect.

If your gym has a safeguarding contact or another trusted coach, consider reaching out to them. If not, talking to a friend, family member, counsellor, or local support service can also be a good first step.

You don't have to carry this by yourself.

I’m thinking about reporting it

What happened took away some of your control. Wherever possible, the next steps should be your decision. You may choose to tell someone you trust, speak to a coach or the gym's safeguarding contact, seek professional support, report to the police — or decide you're not ready to do any of those things yet.

There is no timeline you have to follow.

What a good response from your gym looks like

If you decide to tell your gym, a good first response should look something like this:

• They listen without judging.
• They take you seriously.
• They don't pressure you for unnecessary details.
• They ask how they can support you.
• They prioritise your safety.
• They explain what they can and cannot keep confidential.
• They involve you in decisions about what happens next whenever possible.
• They respect your privacy, sharing information only with people who genuinely need to know.
• They explain what will happen next, so you are not left wondering whether anything is being done.

You don't need to "prove" your experience before someone listens.

What you should not have to experience

You should not be expected to:

• keep training alongside someone you have reported while nothing is being done,
• protect the gym's reputation by staying quiet,
• repeatedly tell your story to multiple people without a good reason,
• investigate the situation yourself,
• or confront the other person if you don't want to.

Those responsibilities do not belong to you.

If your gym doesn't respond well

Not every gym is prepared to handle disclosures of harassment or abuse. If you are ignored, blamed, pressured into silence, or made to feel responsible for what happened, that is a failure of the response — not a reflection of your credibility or your worth.

If possible, consider seeking support from another trusted coach, another gym, a specialist support organisation, your country's governing body for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu if there is one (in the UK, for example, the UKBJJA), or other professionals who can help you decide what to do next.

I need support

Experiencing harassment or abuse can affect people in many different ways, both immediately and long afterwards. Be patient with yourself.

If you're finding things difficult, consider speaking with a mental health professional or a specialist support organisation. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness — it is often an important part of recovery.

You can reach specialist services in almost every country through lila.help, a directory maintained by the Global Network of Women's Shelters and re-checked every six months. It is not run by us, and nothing you do there comes back to this site.

If you would rather talk to someone connected to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Laura is a violence-prevention educator who works with gyms and camps.

I’m worried about seeing this person at training

You don't have to make a full disclosure to ask for space. You are allowed to say you do not want to roll with, drill with, be paired with, or be coached by a particular person — without explaining what happened first.

You never owe someone a roll.

What to ask for at training, open mats and competitions, and what to do if the person is your coach →

I just want to read

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is built on trust. We train in close physical contact, often with people we've only just met. We place ourselves in vulnerable positions, trust our training partners to keep us safe, and rely on coaches to create an environment where everyone can learn.

That same environment of trust also means that when boundaries are crossed, the impact can be profound.

You are not responsible for someone else's behaviour.

You are not "too sensitive".

You are not "making trouble".

You deserve to train in an environment where your safety matters as much as your Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.